Sinister Motives Behind City Bike Lane Sweeper Naming Contest*
SWEEP-E Aims to Take Your car Away
In a clever attempt to seem open and above board, the City of San Diego announced a contest allowing residents to cast votes for naming a newly purchased bike lane sweeper. The zero emission electric mini sweeper – the only one of its kind in the City fleet – is being praised for its role in reducing street noise.
This is, in reality, part of an effort to deflect attention away from ongoing operations to discriminate against automobiles, which supposedly account for a significant portion of locally emitted greenhouse gasses.
The contest involved name ideas being solicited via email and social media. Three hundred unique suggestions were submitted. A late night meeting attended by anonymous officials at an undisclosed location selected three finalist names including the pre-ordained winner, Sweep-E.
More than 1000 votes were cast online at thinkblue.org, an official looking website (maybe) funded by Big Water companies.
Today a press release was issued claiming SWEEP-E had won by just 11 votes. Names not making the cut were T.E.S.S. (The Electric Street Sweeper), and The Blue Broomba.
As part of the feel-good campaign concurrent with the machine, the city has announced it will be tasked with this week to tidy up Balboa Park before hundreds of thousands of visitors arrive for December Nights and realize parking spaces are few and far between, along with no bus routes on the main city road through the park. Bikes and scooters won’t be allowed to use the newly cleaned up streets within the park's perimeter. But the streets, they will be clean!
What wasn’t said in any of the pronouncements was that the purchase of a bike lane sweeper was made at the expense of continuing repairs for car centric road cleaners. If you’ve noticed one of these beasties making its rounds lately, you might have wondered why streets are not cleaner after they pass through.
Back before the bike conspiracy people (led by the corporate shills at Circulate San Diego) seized control of the City Council, the fleet of 20 sweepers routinely covered 2,700 miles of streets annually, removing 220,000 pounds of trash and debris, equivalent to the weight of 23 million single-use, disposable cups.
While these machines continue to make their rounds, the only purpose they serve is to stimulate revenue for the City via the parking tickets issued to residents who fail to remember the every other week schedule.
These monies will facilitate efforts to build skyscrapers at the beach and low income housing in Kensington. It’s all part of the Grand Plan.
*Yes, this is satire. I got tired of reading about what a baby Elon Musk is.
Email me at WritetoDougPorter@Gmail.com